Secretary Appreciation Day
by Fanficluverr
Summary: A missing episode in which Dwight tries to solve a problem in the office and Pam and Jim scheme behind his back. And to top it off, Michael attempts to assemble "the team" to buy Pam a gift. I promise that it is hilarious.


8

**In light of the writers' strike, my sister wrote me an episode of The Office. This is totally and completely her work. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and that it helps to cure some of your absence of Office woes, like it did for me.**

**Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please review. (All types of reviews welcome!) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any aspect of The Office**

P.S. This is written in a script format. If you like what you read, my sister will write this out as a story and add another episode. (So please, please review, she is a phenomenal writer!) Thank you again.

**The Missing Episode: Secretary Appreciation Day**

[Follow Pam into the office as she opens the doors and turns on all the lights

[Interview: Pam Today is Secretary Appreciation Day, I am very worried. Last year Michael made everyone carry me around like a mosh pit [cut to flash back of Pam in a skirt, Kevin supporting her hip, Michael her shoulder, and Jim awkwardly holding up an elbow The year before he bought me underwear [show Pam lifting up some sexy lingerie I'm really hoping that I'm not appreciated this year.

[Introduction

[Watch Dwight scribbling away inside a small leather bound journal, and occasionally looking up in search of his thoughts

[Jim Wait, is that a dairy?

[Dwight Men don't keep diaries, they keep journals. This happens to be a moleskin, which was the journal of choice for Van Gogh, Matisse and Ernest Hemingway.

[Interview: Dwight Given the intellectual engagement of my brain it is necessary to have an alternate outlet for my thoughts, like a pensive.

[Jim watches Dwight lock it away in his upper drawer

[Interview: Jim giving an eager mischievous look

[Michael driving Today is Secretary Appreciation Day, but unfortunately I put that reminder to myself in my car so I didn't see it until this morning ["Sec Day" is written in lipstick on his wind shield This is Jan's [he explains the lipstick.

[Pam answering the phone Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

[Michael faking an Indian accent on the other end of the phone Let me speak with Kelly.

[Pam covers the phone receiver and whispers Its Michael [to the phone receiver One moment please.

[Kelly Hello

[Michael continuing in an 'Indian' accent Hello, this your boss…

[Kelly Hello Michael, drop the voice.

[Michael I need you to assemble a team and meet me in the parking lot. You, Meredith, Phyllis, no wait, not Phyllis my car is too small, and Angela.

[Kelly You want us to come to the parking lot now?

[Michael You got it.

[Jim briefly scans the room, mischievously making sure the timing was right. He then jumps up out of his seat Holy…

[Dwight alert with all the fervor of a junior deputy What is it?

[Jim pointing A cockroach just crawled into your desk.

[Phyllis screams and climbs atop her chair, sitting on her desk

[Dwight standing up I knew the security was lacking here.

[Jim grabbing Dwight's shoulders There's no telling how many might be infesting this office.

[Pam roles her eyes

[Interview: Dwight Bugs are perfectly natural and most bugs can coexist with humans, but there are those bugs that cannot coexist with beets. Namely the beet armyworm, _Spodopterae xigua; _the salt marsh caterpillar, _Estigmene acrea; _the western yellow-striped armyworm, _Spodoptera praefica; _the beet webworm, _Loxostege sticticalis; and the _spotted cutworm, _Amathes c-nigrum _ Annual Reviews realizes what is going on Oh my God that is so gross, I can't work here [she flees to her current boy interest at the moment, completely forgetting about Michael's assignment

[Jim to Dwight You're a sheriff's deputy you must find the root of the problem and destroy it.

[Dwight Its like when the Borg was first introduced to the Delta Quadrant.

[Jim Exactly, I will locate the one in the office. But only you know how to properly equip us for war.

[Dwight runs out of the office as Jim's grin is met with Pam's. Dwight dashes out into the parking lot where Michael is still waiting for his team to assemble

[Michael seeing Dwight I should have known Kelly couldn't handle the mission.

[Dwight Don't worry I'm fully equipped to handle it.

[Dwight Come along, we should take my car I've made some modifications to handle a crisis.

[Interview: Dwight showing how he continually leaves one of the back seats down to work as an ambulance and has a tent and other survival type equipment, some of which is hidden away in the fabric lining the car

[Michael, getting into the passenger seat So I was thinking of getting some perfume.

[Dwight pulling the car out of the parking lot That would be one strategy.

[The office now free of Dwight, Jim moves over to his desk

[Phyllis Do you need any help Jim?

[Jim No, thank you Phyllis, this should be easy enough to handle. [He pulls out the moleskin I think I got it. [Jim walks over to Pam

[Jim Do you think you could make some copies[He hands her the journal

[Pam Sure. [She heads over to the copy room and begins to read

[Interview: Pam reading Dwight's journal Dwight log earth date July 5, My brother was found in a local river again, he thinks his lack of fishing skills is attributable to the location. Of course baring the Schrute genes he would be far more cunning than most, but you know…

[Cut to Dwight and Michael shopping in a hardware store

[Michael Can we look in another store?

[Dwight We don't have time, the queen can produce thousands of offspring in minutes.

[Dwight picks out an instant foaming bottle

[Interview: Pam reading Dwight's journal continues My screen saver at work read the words 'Dwight why did you leave me' which makes me suspect that Jim Halpert has watched my fingers long enough to have learned my password, I will extend it and complex it.

[Michael picks up the can of foam curiously I don't think this will work, I was thinking more along the lines of us all getting silly string and then creeping around the desk.

[Dwight While scaring your prey is a highly effective tactic, outright annihilation is much more effective.

[Michael Wait a minute, only I get to annihilate Pam, she's my secretary.

[Dwight Pam, I didn't say anything about Pam, I'm referring to our cockroach infestation.

[Michael Jeez Dwight. Even you can't handle a simple mission.

[Dwight If you are referring to preventing our office from being overrun by the North American locust then yes I am not completing the mission.

[Interview: Pam reading Dwight's journal continues I would estimate that the average American will witness no less than three traffic accidents first hand. If we all had sheriff's deputy training, think of how many lives would be saved? What does someone like Jim do in his spare time? What does Pam find so appealing about someone who passes his days playing video games and watching sports?

[Jim is still scrounging around Dwight's desk in a false attempt to find a cockroach. He does display a collection of used contact lenses filling up a jar he uncovered

[Phyllis Does anyone know where Michael is?

[Pam from the copy machine He never called.

[Kelly remembers Michael's request and begins gathering the designated people (Angela and Meredith) to go meet Michael outside. You can see Pam photocopying behind her. They're coming out of the office into the parking lot

[Angela What are we doing here?

[Kelly I don't know. [They don't see Michael anywhere

[Meredith That's Michael's car.

[Kelly Are you sure?

[Meredith I think I'd remember the car that hit me.

[Angela Well maybe we should go over and see if he's inside it.

[Kelly There's no way I'm getting near that thing he's probably going jump out of the tires.

[Meredith We could saran wrap the car. [Kelly giggles

[Angela I don't want to be a part of this [she turns around and heads back inside

[Dwight is preparing to check out of the hardware store with a bug fighting arsenal

[Michael out loud to himself Come on you are creative you only need to turn something in this store into something else.

[Dwight picks up a retractable blade from the counter top Here, try this. It's better than a rape whistle.

[Meredith and Kelly excitedly enter into the copy room to grab saran wrap where Pam is finishing up

[Pam What are you doing?

[Meredith We're saran wrapping Michael's car.

[Pam drops off the journal to Jim

[Pam I'll give the copies to you later

[After Jim places the journal back in its designated location he grows bored with searching through Dwight's desk and is back to playing on his computer

[Phyllis Did you get the bug Jim?

[Jim You know I'm beginning to think I was just seeing things. I'm very sorry to have alarmed you.

[Phyllis Oh that's alright.

[Michael and Dwight pull back into the office parking lot while Meredith and Kelly hide behind the hood of Michael's car

[Michael Oh well, this may not be the best Secretary Appreciation Day, but its not like the have a Regional Manager Day.

[Dwight interjecting Or an Assistant Regional Manager Day

[Michael Assistant to the Regional Manager, Dwight.

[As they come into the office Michael plops down the knife in the hardware store bag on Pam's desk

[Michael wearily Happy Secretary Day. [He then meanders into his office. While Dwight runs over to his desk

[Dwight Did you find the culprit?

[Jim I haven't seen any signs of it, I think it may have just been me.

[Dwight That is because they have adapted to their human terrain. Do you have a comb?

[Jim Yeah [Jim pulls out a standard black comb and hands it over. Dwight gets down on the floor by his desk and starts running the comb through the carpet

[Dwight Insects are known to excrete feces every three minutes.

[Meredith and Kelly slapping hands and giggling walk back into the office and give thumbs up to Pam. Pam smiles and opens her gift to find the knife. She looks at Michael looking partially defeated over at his desk

[Interview: Dwight Do I believe that Jim saw a cockroach? No I don't. I did not find any evidence to suggest that there had been a penetration of our office environment. Jim lacks the skills and the innate instincts to recognize a threat. But that does not mean we shouldn't be cautious. [Cut to Dwight using the foam to reinforce the edges of his desk

[Michael leaving the office for the day Good night Pam

[Pam Good night Michael [zoom back to see that her knife has been opened and that there is a pile of saran wrap in her garbage bin

[Dwight heads out Good night.

[Pam Good night

[Jim eagerly comes to her desk after Dwight leaves So do you have it?

[Pam hands over a folder stuffed with paper. Jim takes her hand and kisses it

[Jim Thank you.

[Jim makes his way into the elevator and opens the folder, inside there is only copies of blank notebook pages from Dwight's journal and a yellow sticky note from Pam that says "Instead of looking for Dwight's thoughts, try writing your own"

[Interview: Pam smiling as she turns off the lights All and all its been a good day.

**Please leave a review! Thank you again! **


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